I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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