it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
