trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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