i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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