She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
