Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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