Only a mothe r could love this liver
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
high people should be assigned attendants
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
