Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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