pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
