Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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