I'm eating all of the evidence.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize