your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize