I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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