She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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