Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize