okay pat passed out under dana's car
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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