Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
