Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
