so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
