My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
