Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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