It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
