So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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