u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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