you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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