I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
