Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Umm I'm too high to move.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
