dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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