I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize