another moral hangover. fuck.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Did I show you my penis last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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