and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
