I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
