I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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