I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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