yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
