sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
