Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize