You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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