Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
