then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize