why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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