Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dick very happy bro
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
