Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
