no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
