So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
