quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
