The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
