So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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