i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
