i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
