whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
only if we run a train.
done.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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