So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
