Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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