This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
