I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
