if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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