Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
