Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
