You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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