Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
