bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
