i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
