Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
