how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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